True Friends

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I've been receiving e-mails, forwards, and posts. They've said things like, "if you're really my friend, you'll pass this on." or "you'll send this back" I've gotten others that were genuine, trying to define what a friend really is. They have been pouring in by the dozens, especially with the advent of the bulletin board. I have my own opinions. Accept them, or not.

I feel there are multiple levels of friendship. There are your closest friends. These may include a spouse or significant other, and maybe one or two additional people that you regularly spend time with and share deep feelings with. I agree, those are people who you should feel around you all the time, not just when something (good or bad) happens. Not just for special occasions, but routinely and regularly. Intricately involved in the daily workings of your life.

But there is another group of friends. These friends aren't by your side every day. These friends probably don't even know what you're going through right now. They may not be in that inner circle, that core group that you go to every time you need someone to say hello. But that does not mean they are not friends. That does not mean they don't care. That does not mean that they don't want to know what your going through from time to time. Just like you're not there, and not knowing what THEY'RE going through. These friends are important. These friends are the ones who come close to celebrate a special event. They come around to console when it is needed. They may not make every event. But they are there when they can. And they are there when you ASK them to be.

With my new contacts on-line, I have gotten in touch with several friends from my early days, my younger days. I haven't talked to some of them in a very long time. Others I have seen here and there from time to time. These people are all important to me. They all have a place in my heart. From the old high school friend, to the ex, to the church friend. The friend of a friend that I don't even know that well, the friend that I'm just getting to know. Each and every person in this group holds a special place for me. I am always out there, waiting to say hello. I drop a line from time to time. I am willing to be that friend they need me to be. In the interim however, I sit idle, still thinking of them, still praying for them. Still wondering what they are up to at the exact moment.

Along those lines, there is another group that I do the same thing for. Many of those who've known me long know of this group and its importance to me. These are my church friends. This is the group that I grew up with. These are the "kids" I spent four, five, six, or seven nights a week interacting with on various levels. This is the group that was so tight throughout our years growing up. Those on the outside, or even some in the group look at us as if we've fallen apart. As if we don't care for one another anymore. I only have one response. Think of a wedding. A baby. A funeral. A big birthday. A visit from someone who's moved out of town. I cherish these moments. I have long said. We look as if we've fallen apart. But then one gets married. The wedding goes off as if we'd never been apart. As if one doesn't live in Indiana. As if one didn't move to the east coast. As if one's job doesn't permit them to come around as often as they'd like. As if our jobs, our families, our lives haven't taken us each in different directions.

We've moved on. We've each grown up. We no longer spend all of our time in a teen choir, or going to concerts in D.C. or putting on plays. Or just hanging out. We have jobs. We have spouses. We have children. We have careers. We have ambitions. We all have things that draw us away from spending time with one another on a casual level. Don't think for a moment, that that means we don't reminisce about sitting up all night playing cards. Or going to play volleyball. We dream of simpler times when we didn't have to stay away for so long. But we remember the times we can get together, good and bad. We remember when we can be there for one another. We hope that the others aren't feeling alone. And if they are, we hope that they are willing to pick up the phone, or start typing, or writing. Or knock on our door to say, "I just wanted to say hi." or "I just needed a friend to talk to." Because, I am sure that everyone in that group would drop whatever they were doing and just talk.

Friendship isn't only about spending time together. Friendship is about thinking, caring, and praying about one another when you're apart. And all of you are friends in my heart. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you, each and every day. From the core church group. To those I didn't get as close to. From my closest high school friend to the friend of a friend. From the ex to the friend I'm just getting to know. I think of you all everyday. I pray for your happiness, your wellbeing, and your life. May God bring you the joys he's brought me and may he bring us together to overcome the sorrows that come each of our ways.

We love you all.

Back to the Gospel

It's time that we go back to the Gospel. It suddenly occurred to me sitting at dinner this evening. I was in a hurry to get to an event at church. I stopped for a moment and looked down at my son, who was happily scooping up his mashed potatoes. What am I doing as a father, as a Christian father, to lead my son to know Jesus. I know, he's only 1. But where will his life lead him? Will I have time to show him the right path? Or should I begin showing him now. Should I be more attentive to the ways I act in his presence. Should I be more attentive to the ways I act when he's not around?! We as parents have the enormous, monumental task of leading our young ones to know Christ. To show them the path to salvation. Are we doing our part? As I have been involved in church life as an adult, I've noticed that things have changed. Parents of today's youth have changed. When I was younger, church came first. And I was led to a life with God by watching my parents lead a life with God. They didn't simply insist that I attend church, which most parents aren't doing today. They showed me how. They walked with me. They walked in front of me, giving me footprints to follow. A path to find my way. We too must do that. Given the current decline in the morality and relationship with Christ in today's youth, what will it be like when my son is a teenager? What will society through his way. And will he have the tools to counteract it. I pray that I can provide the footprints for him to follow, as my parents did for me.

That said, there is an interesting movement taking place within the United Church of Christ Denomination. You may have seen news reports, or commercials about the UCC. Last year, they approved an Equal Marriage Rights resolution. In years past they've tried to remove the masculinity from God, using nouns like parent, child, and it instead of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The unfortunate thing is that they've spent so much time pressing these issues that you may or may not agree with, but that aren't really the crux on which salvation lies. Salvation is only given by the gracious sacrifice of Christ on the Cross. An individual, a pastor, a church, a denomination, a religion should focus on that issue. Should preach that issue in every sermon, every bible study, every discussion, every prayer. And the interpretation of the Scripture should be reflective of that focus. Christ is the center of the Christian faith. And the Scripture (in its entirety) is the way by which we find God's will for us. The movement within the UCC is called "Faithful and Welcoming Churches" If you are affiliated with the UCC, or put off by it's recent actions, I encourage you to follow the link to their website: www.faithfulandwelcoming.com Hopefully, those more essentially involved can set your mind to rest about where we should be headed as a church within the UCC

Getting Older

I've been on hiatus these last few weeks. I've been building my profile on Myspace, my Alter Ego (See link below). As part of the process, I've been finding old friends of mine. Mostly high school friends, maybe some church friends I have lost touch with over the years. This is something I recently posted on a bulletin for all of them. Guess it's has more to do with the dad part of the "New Dad" but hope it applies here:

Do you ever think about how old we're getting. THIRTY IS COMING!!! Do you know where you'll be?! It's weird sometimes, driving around thinking about how long ago different times were. About how things have changed, about how things haven't changed. Listening to Gin Blossoms, or Radiohead, or Toad/Sprocket. (Yeah, we actually pull those out on long trips when you need some jam music!) It's wild. It's like, we're actually adults. We're all married. We've all got kids. We're doing things with our lives, or at least appearing to be. What happened to those days. Are they really gone, or are they something we just look back at and smile?

Big Heart...Change of Cloths

Two very important things any loving dad needs... A Big Heart... And a Change of Cloths. Unfortunately for me, I was lacking the latter last Monday. My deepest regrets to anyone in the general vicinity of the Dodge Charger display at the Chicago Auto Show on Monday Night. My son left you a present.

The afternoon started as any other special family day. I took a half day. When Brittny got home, we loaded up the car and headed downtown. As an afterthought, I said, "Throw a pair of his pajamas in since we'll probably be there late." Lucky for us, she did. After about 5 hours walking around, in and out of cars, we decided to give him a break from the stroller. I hooked up the "Hip Sling" For those less informed, it hangs from your neck like a sling. However, the bottom loops between the child's legs and around your waist. It is great for smaller children, not so much so for my 28 pound son. Especially not when I'm 240 myself. Let's just say, our stomachs were not meant to share the same space. Long story, longer... He got sick. All over himself, all over me, and all over the floor of the Dodge display. I'm not going to be eating hotdogs for a while. We raced downstairs to the restroom. Lucky for him, we brought the pajamas. NOT SO LUCKY FOR ME! Because we were so tight together, my sweater got the brunt of the attack. But, my t-shirt and jeans still made the 30 minute drive home less than bearable.

To add to the event, we discovered that he had the flu, not just something he ate. How did we make this determination, you ask? Well lets just say we've been eating a lot of dry toast in our house this week. My son starting Monday night. Brittny starting Tuesday night. I managed to hold off until Thursday morning. I also have to say thanks to my dad. He "volunteered" to help with my son on Wednesday, when he seemed to be doing better. Apparently, he was still carrying it. Grandpa was the next casualty on Thursday night. It's been quite a week in our family. We've finally been able to add dry pasta, chicken, and soup to the menu. Tomorrow, we're thinking about TACOS! Okay, they'll probably have to wait a few more days.

The moral of the story: A Big Heart isn't enough to get through parenthood. You've got to keep a change of cloths nearby too!

My Alter Ego

Apparently, blogging is for us sophisticated types. Those young kids and trouble makes prefer to call it "my space" Or more appropriately "my.space.com" So, I have now discovered, that there are two of me. For the sophisticated Ken, continue to find my deepest thoughts here. For the child in me (and for more pictures) you can also find me at My Alter Ego. Hopefully soon, I'll take the time to sit down and try to explain what I've been thinking. Until then, I'm busy posting pictures.

Add More Ink

Sorry, tonight the well is dry. I don't know why, but I've nothing to write about. Not that a lot isn't happening, I'm just drawing a blank. So, until next time. Now, I'm going to bed, since my son has already gotten up from his own bed and taken my spot in mine. Maybe I'll get him back to his so I can stretch out. Yeah right. Well I'll be back when this plug is removed from my creative mind.

Stop Copying Me...

Ask anyone who's ever written a book on raising children. The foremost way that infants learn is by mimicking the actions of those around them. I always agreed with this theory. Then my son reach one year. All of a sudden I was thrown back to my childhood where I was yelling at my younger brother to "stop copying me." Several examples:

• Sitting in the kitchen at lunch time eating soup. I look over and my son is trying to drink the soup out of the bowl, even though we've strained just about all the broth out. I can't figure out why until I get to the end of my soup. I pick up the bowl and drink the broth.
• My son is the best at loading laundry into the dryer. He can't quite handle my jeans or our big towels. But I hand him one of his bibs or a sock, and he takes it over and puts it in the dryer. Then he's right back for more before I can get the big stuff over.
• Over the holidays, I had coffee going all the time. I drink about a pot a day during the winter. But I'm normally at work. So after 2 days of me being home, he is walking around the house Christmas morning with the travel mug Brittny got me. Then he gets a little kitchen set. Since then he's carried his own coffee cup around. He'll take a drink, then say "th-aw" like it was just what he needed to get him going.

I have concerns with this trend however. I know he's taken my love of television, especially sports. He's probably a bigger football fan than I am. He takes too big of bits at the dinner table. He eats way too much bread. He runs out into the garage in his socks. He doesn't like to sleep under the covers. What will he pick up on in the future? Will he have problems managing money? Will he not like to read? Will he not finish all 4 years of college?

My hope is that instead he'll love is mother. He'll love his family. He'll be able to work on cars. He'll be handy around the house. Of course the number one thing, HE'LL COLLECT THE GARBAGE ON THURSDAY NIGHT so I don't have to.

My prayer for myself this year, is to be more observant of the actions I take, the words I say, the ways I act. To think about what I'm doing, and decide if it is something that he should be doing. To think about what I'm NOT doing, and decide if IT is something that he should be doing. And to remember, that I have a little spongy shadow that is picking up on every move my muscles make. May he find his way through this life, and may I be a lighthouse to guide that way.

Parental Joint Operations Taskforce

Tonight brings to a close the second of two four day weekends in a row. One would think, wow what a vacation. What a time to relax. A time to get away. Or maybe a time to be refreshed on the things in your closest relationships that drive you nuts. Brittny and I joke all the time that vacations can't last more than three days, because then we start wishing we were back at work. As each day spent together passes, we become more observant of those things the other does that simply drive us mad. It's probably more like we just let the little things that the other does get to us. Either way, by the end of the eighth day together in eleven, we are likely to pull eachother's hair out. As a matter of fact, I saw in her eyes, the reason she hasn't cut my hair yet is she finally sees something long enough to get between her fingers.

Whether it be her saying, "Real good, drop him on his head" or me grinding my teeth because she's tickling him while we're laying in bed trying to stay awake while he goes to sleep. (Don't worry, I didn't really drop him on his head. What he chooses to do in a tantrum is beyond my control) She yells at me for letting him get away with stuff. Then there's one of her Christmas presents. I got her a book by James Dobson titled "Parenting isn't for Cowards." My hope was that we would both read it and use it as a guide to be more firm with our son. However, for the first three days after Christmas all I heard was, "What would Dr Dobson have to say about what you're letting him get away with." That ended when I threatened to return the book unless she waited to quote from it UNTIL AFTER SHE READ IT! The point is, our different approaches on life in general, but especially parenting become very apparent as we spend time together as a family.

I propose this however. Look at it as a Joint Operations Taskforce. As when during military operations, the Navy and Army must work cooperatively together. (Yes, being a government employee, I do realize that government and cooperation do not really belong in the same sentence.) However look at it this way. The Navy and the Army must work together to achieve their mission. Keep in mind that I do not come from a military background, so I can not really be specific. But how would it work. The two forces would agree on the mission. They would agree on the basic method by which that mission will be achieved. One may even tell the other what to do. However, I would imagine that the Army is not going to tell the Navy HOW to sail a ship. As the Navy is not going to tell the Army HOW to maneuver its infantry. Yet, they both do their portion, cooperatively and sometimes coordinated, and the mission is accomplished.

Apply this principle to parenting, especially cooperative parenting. We are human. We are unique. While the marriage process has hopefully enlightened us to each others quirks and tendencies. We still learn more about eachother everyday. Even after 5 years of marriage which followed a 10 year courtship. We realize every day that we are different. That we approach life in different ways. That we approach parenting in different ways. What we must, as parents learn to do is understand that we are different. That God granted us each special gifts, and gave us each individual weaknesses. We must approach parenting in a cooperative, coordinated way. We must concern ourselves more with what is being accomplished and less with how the other is accomplishing it. In the end, our mission is to raise this young soul to be able to face the world on his own. To have the knowledge and wherewithal to understand what he his doing and why he is doing it. And to allow him to discover for him self how he will get it done. And someday, he will have a mission of his own to achieve.

Until that day, I will hold his little hand in mine. I will be amazed as he looks into my eyes and says he loves me before his lips ever move. I will melt every morning when he reaches over, wraps his little muscular arms around my neck and hugs me so tight that I couldn't get out of his grip if I wanted to. I will cherish the time that I have at home with my family and look past the little things they do, that I sometimes say to myself, "I would have done it this way." And each night, I will kiss my son goodnight. And kiss my wife goodnight. And go to sleep knowing that nothing I could dream would be better than where I am now.